Oh, Sweet Irony

Texas. The Lone Star State. The land of cowboys, The Alamo, ten-gallon hats, George W. Bush, country music, and … Tony Parker?

Wait, what?

Do I have that right?

In the same state where high school football stars are revered as gods and bumper stickers read, “There are two types of people. Those who are from Texas and those who wish they were,” a Belgian-born Frenchman has seized the public’s attention and won its adoration. As the saying goes, “Everything is bigger in Texas,” and that certainly applies to Parker’s popularity.

Nevertheless, this is also the same state where the vast majority of people believe that the French should still be thanking us that their national language isn’t German, and where I’m willing to bet that if you were to ask any given Texan what the colors of the French flag are and how the French welcome foreign dignitaries, you would inevitably get the run-of-the-mill responses of, “White” and “With both hands up.” Although not overwhelmingly original, these answers are, nonetheless, ingrained in the culture down where the state motto is not something symbolic like the French declaration, “Liberté, égalité, fraternité” (Liberty, equality, fraternity), but rather simply, “Don’t mess with Texas.”

So how can all this be? How can the people of Texas so overwhelmingly embrace the diminutive French guard with a penchant for blowing past opposing defenders and deftly finishing in the lane amongst the trees? To understand the entire truth, one must go back to the beginning when Parker broke into the NBA in 2001.

Coming on the heels of leading the French under-20 national team to a European championship in 2000, Parker was selected 28th overall in the 2001 NBA Draft (after the likes of Kirk Haston, Jeryl Sasser, and Joe Forte. Please forgive me Godfather. I don’t mean to dredge up the painful past, but Forte is a necessary example to prove how much of a steal Parker was at #28). In his rookie campaign, TP notched per game averages of 9.2 points, 4.3 assists, and 2.6 rebounds and garnered All-Rookie First Team honors en route to helping the Spurs win their second NBA championship in four years. Let the Tony-Texas love affair begin.

Combining his lightning-like athleticism with an unrelenting will to succeed (Parker once told French junior national team coach Claude Bergaude, “Coach, I'll play in the NBA and, one day, France will recognize me as a great player.”), Parker has cultivated one of the most odd player-fan base symbiotic relationships in recent professional sports history. The Frenchman once named in People’s 50 Most Beautiful People and recently interviewed and photographed in a GQ spread is seemingly the antithesis of a star that the down home Texas fan base would hitch their hemis to. To quote the timeless Rob Schneider in Big Daddy, “They go together like lamb and tuna fish.”

Nevertheless, after what was arguably his best season in 2006-2007 and an NBA Finals MVP earned after dominating every player the hapless Cleveland Cavaliers threw at him, this relationship is stronger than ever. All around San Antonio you can find children and adults of all ages donning their fresh No. 9 black and silver jerseys and flowing into the AT&T Center to catch the next TP masterpiece.

In fact, one must look no further than Parker’s personal relationship with Corpus Christi, TX native and avid Spurs fan Eva Longoria. Parker and the TV actress/international bombshell were married over the weekend in a lavish, three part affair in France that moved from a civil ceremony conducted by the mayor of Paris to a 17th century Parisian church for the formal ceremony to a lavish reception at the beautiful chateau Vaux-le-Vicomte. Among the guests were French soccer star Thierry Henry and fellow Housewives Teri Hatcher, Nicolette Sheridan, and Felicity Huffman. All in all, not a bad way to spend the weekend.

So, in the end I think you could say that Tony Parker has it pretty good. Against seemingly conventional wisdom, the state of Texas has embraced their French star (who, by the way, is most likely embracing one of the most beautiful women in the world at this very moment), and the future looks just as bright. If I could trade lives with any sports star right now, I would be very hard pressed to think of anyone that that I would want to be more than Parker. Call it a man crush or what you will, but I certainly wouldn’t mind hoisting an NBA Championship and Finals MVP one day, then marrying The Hottest Woman on Earth (Maxim said so last year so it must be true) just a few weeks later.

C’est magnifique.